thoughts from Hungary

This blog is great. To carve out a space where we can communicate our thoughts and experiences..I am extra extra grateful to have been invited here. So, thanks :)

This is my second year teaching in a Hungarian high school in Budapest. Although I am with a Christian org. and my best friends are believers and I have a great church and all of that...I still FORGET. I forget that I am here for God's glory, that I may be the only Christian my students and colleagues may ever meet. Why do we forget? For me, it isn't a simple matter of 'getting into the Bible' more..being more disciplined in my quiet times. That just doesn't fly with me. So, what is it? I will be diligent for 2 or 3 days and then the tyranny of the urgent comes back with a vengeance. And while I am trying to pray, all of the unfinished business of my day comes to me. Or I will be so overwhelmed with guilt for not spending the time I need, that I can't even pray.

What I want to do I don't do. And here, with all of the pressures of living overseas and all of the temptation and the darkness, I need to be closer to God than I have ever been. So, what is pulling me away? Lately, my friend has been really overwhelmed with the darkness of this city. The streets are strewn with litter, the dogs leave little 'gifts' on every corner for you to step in, grafitti blemishes the most beautiful buildings, and the nicest buildings are crumbling. And that can be irrating but after a while you get used to it.

Just like the spiritual climate. At first it is overwhelming, and you get depressed and it is just HARD. But then, you get used to the despairing glances of people on the trams because you have your nose in a book. You get used to the way the old woman clutches her handbag in fear... the signs for sex shops and strip shows that smack you in the eyes at every corner, because you just turn your head away and keep walking. But that is not why I am here. I am not here to just survive. To just turn my head and keep walking. I am called to be a light. But maybe I am being God's light when I don't laugh at my students' lude jokes, or when I look away from the posters that promise me fulfillment by a myriad of avenues. Maybe? Or are these excuses? Hm. Only God knows I suppose. My thoughts for today.