a revealing conversation

i had a very revealing convo with a friend of mine today. it's interesting how we can bang our heads against the proverbial 'wall of God' and ask Him to 'tell us more, show us more, reveal your plan, show me where i need work, where i need to change and improve', and not hear a dang thang. until...we have a conversation with a friend, and reveal more of ourselves than we could ever imagine..or care to. in the interest of always striving to be open, accountable, and REAL, i'm gonna share a few portions of the convo. with you guys. while i feel that it is unwise to share things that are intensely private about ourselves, i do believe that, as christians in the pursuit of the same goal and prize (thank you apostle paul:o), we should be as transparent as we can be without going too far into the unecessary messiness of our humanness. so, that said, i changed the name of my friend to protect the innocent:o), and i edited her statements to take out anything that might be too private. my comments,however, are unadulterated and unedited. she is a new christian, and still learning, and she looks to me for guidance and spiritual wisdom. it's important that i let her know - and everyone else - that i'm still walkin' out this thing we call 'salvation', every single day. i learned alot about me today..and alot about what He's doing. interesting, i've been so frustrated about what i felt WASN'T happening, that i almost missed what WAS.

friend: hey, what's goin' on with you and jesus today?

rho: well, we're doin' great...thanks fer askin:o) as a matter of fact, i was just RE-learning one of my least favorite, but most-necessary lessons..

friend: oh? care to share?

rho: yup. i was re-learning that without His grace and mercy in my life, i'm hopeless.

friend: hm. will you tell me more about that?

rho: well, it's just that i'm being broken down..i'm being emptied..the more he pours of me onto the floor, the more i realize just how much 'junk' i've let fill me up that has no kingdom value whatsoever! how can i allow so much to be poured into me that He can't use? i get to the point where i'm so full of myself and other unusable junk that i feel like i'm choking..no air..can't breathe..and certainly can't be used as a vessel for His glory.

friend: wow...keep going..i never thought of that...

rho: just when i feel like i can't hold anything else, and i begin to drown in my own 'stuff'...He lovingly dumps me..breaks me and lets me spill out all over the place...then just when i begin to despair over what i see being emptied, He lovingly wipes up that which cannot be used..selfishness..humanness...sin..and He shows me the cloth that soaked it all up...covered in only..His blood. wow. where did my 'stuff' go? it got absorbed in love and grace and mercy. i can't even get over how much He loves me.

friend: me either, man..me either. i'm like a sponge right now! gettin all wet..thanks for sharing..

rho: sure, baby. anytime. you are welcome to walk right along side me when it rains, and soak it all up..but just be warned that sometimes the rain doesn't fall and this walk gets long and dusty and dirty. i fall as many times as i get up...i fail as many times as i succeed.

friend: did you just ask me to walk through this life with you?

rho: yup. that's what we're all doing together, chick...just walkin' the same road..breathin' the same God-air...wearin' the same cloak of mercy and forgiveness and love..sometimes it gets dirty on the journey and loses it's newness and it's brightness..so we let Jesus take it and wash it and give it back..all spankin' new and clean, so's people can recognize Him on it again.

friend: hmm...thank you for giving me all of that to think about. it's overwhelming..

rho: yeah. but so so good..:o) thanks for lettin' me learn a little somethin' in front of you today. man..God never ceases to be cool.