ya better back it up
thursday night got me thinking (as it often does), and i was reminded of, of all quirky things, a political discussion board i frequent. you see, there, if anyone makes any assertion or accusation, they better darn well have the factual proof to back it up. if they don't, they will be eaten alive and dismissed by the intellectual giants.
how true does that ring to our lives? at least my life, anyhow.
we claim to serve this awesome god of love, yet we gossip about our co-workers and rip them to shreds with words of frustration and anger.
we come to church to experience the reality of god, yet we put on our church faces and fake out everyone around us.
ugh i hate the humanity and double standardness in me!!!
i've been challenged to back up what i say. it's not fluffy prayers and fasting and serving he wants (now don't get me wrong, those things can be great)...dad simply wants us to back up what we say. i say i love him. he says great, now show me.
imagine how the world would respond to the church if we all actually lived out what we believed......
it's high time i darn well backed up my words.
i dunno, just more ramblings from the quirkster....
posted by Quirkafiably Quirkified at 4/16/2005 11:22:00 AM
4 Comments:
Yeah! I love seeing these words on this blogspot. It really does my heart, and God's heart GOOD to see how you all are diggin in to God and really letting Him change you. Thanks for bein' real.
Monday, April 18, 2005 6:44:00 AM
thanks for your thoughts katie (i miss you, sunshine!!) and steve! (and steve, fyi, i sat beside you at dinner sunday night :P)
integrity is something i'm working on....i'm trying to just be the quirky princess, period. but sometimes, i still struggle, especially in moments of frustration. i know rome wasn't built in a day, and i know waving a magic wand over my life and sprinkling pixie dust isn't going to "cure me". it's an active choice i have to continually walk in. moment by moment. day by day.
the choice is easier to make than it was oh, say six months ago....almost as if it's second nature in most aspects. but it's still a choice. i know what double standards have gotten me in the past. i know i'm worth more, and know dad expects and wants so much more for me. i don't want to just barely exist, my masks barely intact. i wanna live. i choose to live. and man, lemme tell you, living friggin rocks the bug!! :D
~Q
Monday, April 18, 2005 6:06:00 PM
so what are you doing to change the double standardness in your life?
Wednesday, April 20, 2005 9:49:00 AM
heheh...excellent question. i fear my response will be rambling at best, but i hope i answer the question.
many of my double standards were created out of fear....fear of being rejected when the "real me" is exposed (heaven forbid that ever happen! :P).
so for the most part, i've thrown fear out the window and have just decided to have the guts to stand up for myself and not live trying to be the great pretender, appeasing everyone and everyone (well, attempting to, anyhow), yet feeling completely exhausted and empty.
life is all about choice. i've chosen to be open and honest first off with myself, admitting the reality of where i'm truly at in this walk and where i wanna be. then i took it a step further in being open and honest with those around me. (no, i haven't bared my soul with everyone who'd listen...lol i do still have boundaries :P)
but i've finally realized it's ok to say, yes, i'm having a crappy day. but dad's grace is big enough to cover me even in the midst of my crappiness.
what an amazing freedom i've found in being real.
as far as the issues i'm struggling with now....at work, i try to remember that the co-workers i struggle with are real people that dad loves and cares about. i also try to step out and serve them, helping them set up, or just simply asking if they need any help. prayer helps a lot, asking dad to change my heart and see them as he does....very humbling perspective.
though, some days, bah....before i even stop and think i've already spewed words of frustration and redicule. like i said, rome wasnt' built in a day....it's a continual process...choice by choice, moment by moment.
as far as faking others out....it's still something i struggle with, especially on sundays and thursdays. i know how busy those days are, and while it's great meeting up with everyone and seeing everyone again, i'm still leery about being real and sharing what's on my heart in conversations...i guess i'm just not sure if i'm reading others right, or if they even want to hear what i've got to say, or if they're just being polite in asking how i'm doing. i guess my past still haunts me a bit. once again, it boils down to decision. choosing to risk and reveal a bit of my heart....and possibly encouraging someone else through my struggles....or if it's not received, then so be it. (hmmm why do i expend so much energy worrying and pondering if anyone wants to listen to what i have to say??)
bah, i've babbled lots more than i thought....dunno if i've answered your question or not, ben. but i'd try a round two if you need clarification :)
~Q
Wednesday, April 20, 2005 7:29:00 PM
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