Intoxicating Peace.

*disclaimer* i started a new blog to keep my thoughts from derailing breaking free's challenge. i'd normally keep something like this on my personal blog, but since it's pertinent to what was shared last night, i thought i'd share this with the community.
last night was a slap in the face for myself...this entire past week i've been begging for god to comfort my family, to reveal his love and peace to them, and to myself as we try to make sense of my sister's death. the lyrics to greg long's in the waiting have been rolling through my head and heart all week:
"I want a peace beyond my understanding
I want to feel it fall like rain
In the middle of my hurting
I want to feel Your arms as they surround me
And let me know that it's okay
To be here in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes
In the waiting"
it's been my heart's cry for the peace that passes all understanding, especially now....but have i been still long enough to experience it? no.
i've kept myself soo busy....not allowing myself to process or grieve. part of me was afraid of what would happen, and part of me felt guilty grieving for someone i didn't know as well as i should. slowly, dad has been breaking down my guard, and wednesday night, i finally allowed myself to break down and grieve and just be real. 'twas kinda refreshing, actually.
then thursday came. the silence i'd been deliberately avoiding was inevitable. coincidence? i think not.
at the end of the service, as the song was playing, i retreated to my corner, and curled up on the floor. Usually, my mind is racing with zillions of thoughts, and i have to struggle with quietting my distracting thoughts. last night i was just still. listening. waiting.
then it happened.
a peace washed over me like i hadn't felt in ages....saturated me down to the core. a peace that passed all understanding holding me. cradling me. comforting me. soothing me.
it was weird....like i was in a "peace coma", if you will.....almost unconscioius, yet still aware of the sounds in the room. quirky, no doubt.
i saw this raging sea, waves crashing all around, wind and rain ripping across the tides....yet this cradle of peace enveloping me, making the journey as smooth as a calm stream.
when i finally got up, i felt kinda drunk on peace.....like i indulged a lil too much....but i wonder....can one indulge too much in the sweet peace of being in Daddy's presence?