thanksgiving redefined.

i leave for connecticut today, to spend the week with my dad and step mom. it'll be the first time we've gathered since my sister's death in april. family's always been a huge factor in our lives, and while we would frequently (well as frequently as we could this past decade) gather together, i think we sort of took it for granted that it'd always be this way.
i sit here and *everything* in the physical is telling me i shouldn't go. it's raining. my car likes gas. my bank account is having major indigestion at that thought. work screams its demands at me. even my niece is begging i stay.
had it been last year, i'd probably call them and say it's just not working out.
but this year, it's different. i truly feel i'm supposed to be there. why? i'm not quite sure. perhaps to get me away from this environment. perhaps just to remind me of the incredible blessings i do have. perhaps to remind me of the love i have for the man who once caused me so much pain. perhaps to remind him that there is no condemnation for him. perhaps to remind my mom what it is to smile (even if she's smiling and laughing at my abundant lack of gracefulness lol). perhaps just to simply breathe and heal further.
bah, i'm babbling.
we might not have a turkey. we might not have all members present. we might not have perfect weather. but we do have each other. and for that, i am grateful. and oh so very thankful.